My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Found your dick twin last night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
