so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
