a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
