I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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