You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
