i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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