I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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