Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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