I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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