Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
