Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
