Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
