you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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