i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
