Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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