I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
