I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
