I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
