We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
