Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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