So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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