It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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