I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
