I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
