So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
third nipple confirmed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
