We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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