Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
