So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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