Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
