Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just wanna soil my oats bro
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
