i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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