This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
