fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
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I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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