You're my little dorito
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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