Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
