Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
