you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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