When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
