you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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