you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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