So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
