hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
