Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize