Sry I called you an 8
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
