He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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