Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life is pants optional.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
