It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
