She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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