Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
