My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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