you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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