I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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