How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
