I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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