a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
