If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize