dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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