My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
