You surviving the open bar?
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he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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