My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
