I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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