census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
