Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
