he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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