i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
