I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
