The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
not ubering you a puppy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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