She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
