My hand turned me down
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
