D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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