sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
