I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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