I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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