Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
