I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
