I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
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