did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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