I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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